If a conversation starts angry, it will almost certainly continue angry, and end up apoplectic, with people shouting, "I RESIGN FROM THE INTERNET", "EVERYONE GET BENT" or "YOUR MUM", to the benefit of no one at all.
Your mum, on the stoop of the back door, fag in hand, leaning on the jamb, quietly placating the Avon lady.
It's not like being home where you can go and see your mum for a couple of days, or go and do something.
Plus, I'm sure we can all remember a "your mum" joke that reminds us of a memory we can look back on with a certain fondness.
YES his face is the exact face you're doing in the photo your mum has of you from the first day of Year 7, and YES his pose makes him look like a catalogue model.
But motivation is fans – not your kids, your mum, none of that.
So do not help your dad separate from your mum because of perceived favoritism from your side.
"It's sort of funny saying it to you, but it was part of leaving your mum," he says of the black-and-white spiral on his shoulder.
It's like growing up and having to cook for yourself, instead of having your mum put a plate of fish fingers and a bowl of Angel Delight in front of you every evening.
Even if you've been too chicken to go under the needle up until now, there's a new type of tatt on the market that even your mum might approve of.
