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"when they noticed" is a grammatically correct and commonly used phrase in written English.
It is typically used to refer to a specific moment or action in the past. Example: When they noticed the dark clouds gathering overhead, they quickly hurried home to avoid getting caught in the impending storm.
Exact(60)
'Don't speak in front of the children,' someone would say when they noticed us.
When they noticed a flurry of military activity, Idris and his men wanted to help.
The 2,000-tonne 2,000-tonneessel was just a mile away wheNorwegianticed it.
Employees' doubts deepened when they noticed that his badge did not indicate a specific department.
When they noticed the open window, Michael said, they decided to engage in some tomfoolery.
The two patrolmen tried to clear his airway when they noticed him choking.
Dave explained that sometimes a suspicious neighbour would call the police when they noticed an unfamiliar parked car.
They were sitting at opposite ends of a counter at an airport seafood restaurant when they noticed one another.
More than 77% of respondents reported that symptoms began when they noticed changes in water quality from their faucet.
Election workers became suspicious when they noticed names like Janet Jackson, Dick Tracy and Mary Poppins on the forms.
She said that when they noticed the problem, they cleared the restaurant of customers and waited for the Fire Department.
More suggestions(17)
when they discovered
when they voiced
when they ascertained
when they appreciated
when they referenced
when they commented
when they disclosed
where they noticed
when they noted
when they mentioned
when they informed
when they see this
when they note
however they noticed
after they noticed
when they checked in
and they noticed
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Since I tried Ludwig back in 2017, I have been constantly using it in both editing and translation. Ever since, I suggest it to my translators at ProSciEditing.

Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com