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But I'm wondering, in the light of recent events, what would happen to our friendship were I ever to have achieved my ambition of fighting a seat and becoming a member of parliament?
I live and work in NY and, were I ever to meet him, I knew exactly what I wanted to say: 'I loved you in that Chekhov play.' I'm sorry I'll never get that chance".
Were I ever to stop and question why this music was having such a profound effect on me, someone born so far from its origins, the answer might have lain exactly in that sense of distance – the space between what you are and who you want to be.
Because were I ever to meet him, the odds are that I would like him (the public record suggests that he is an admirable fellow) and if I liked him it would be hard for me to continue beating up on him.
Objectively speaking, his analysis is always useful and insightful, but just speaking as myself, I often wish he were slower or less creative at his job so that I might have a chance to get to a subject first, were I ever to think of it.
Turning its pages, in which its author, a psychoanalyst, makes great claims for a certain kind of inertia, I had little choice but to consider why I work as hard as I do, and what might happen (nothing good, in my view) were I ever to stop.
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When am I ever going to get to play Quasimodo?
I thought, when am I ever going to need to drive?
Was I ever going to be who I was really meant to be?
Not once was I ever taught to be a Socialist.
How was I ever going to fit into this city?
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com