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The genius of V Festival is its ruthless application of market forces, populism distilled until it resembles the Great British High Street trowled up and scattered over a field in Chelmsford/Shropshire.
Simmer until it resembles a syrup.
Pulse until it resembles fine bread crumbs.
Add butter and pulse until it resembles tiny pebbles.
Add the butter and process (or rub in with your fingers), until it resembles breadcrumbs.
Add an egg at a time, combine until it resembles a dough.
Cut in the butter and lard with a fork until it resembles coarse ground oats.
Using a food processor, pulse mixture until it resembles coarse bread crumbs.
Add 100g cold salted butter, cut into chunks, and blitz until it resembles rough sand.
Rub in the butter with your fingertips until it resembles the texture of breadcrumbs.
Work the butter into the flour mixture until it resembles coarse cornmeal.
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