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The last thing Calvin ever said to me was that he was very lucky because he had three grandmas.
In the following weeks and months it would be augmented by a tsunami of viral fan stunts: three grandmas reading the lyrics to "Drunk in Love" (and confusing Jay Z for Kanye West in the process); the acappella outfit Pentatonix abbreviating the entire album into a brilliant six-minute medley; and the inevitable appropriation of lyrics into everyday vernacular.
So Amalía, our little Greekaraguan, has a larger jewelry collection than I do, three grandmas and not one, but two Easters.
I wanted to know what it's really like to attempt to find true love or spend Valentine's Day with the same bag of bones for decades, so I called up some veterans dating experts: three grandmas.
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Then you look left, and there are two grandmas passing you.
But there was some good news, as well: the great Cheerios family was back, Tim Tebow (who needs a contract?) was actually pretty funny for T-Mobile, the E-Trade talking babies seem to be gone for good, and a grand total of zero grandmas twerked.
Apparently a games blogger for Gazeta Lubulska (Circulation: Maybe fifty grandmas out in Zielona Gora, Poland) just rocked the world with his review of Bioshock 2 saying that the game is a "Shock" and asking if "this is the direction video games are heading?" While his arguments are slow-witted and dull, it's definitely giving a small paper in rural Poland a nice boost in pageviews.
This means my kids have two grandmas.
Nine out of ten grandmas prefer the fiscal policies of the Clinton administration to Meow Mix.
As proof, we offer up this adorable video of four grandmas being asked to recount their first kisses.
I was also lucky to have a helpful husband plus two grandmas and one aunt in town to assist.
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com