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"Stupid cat," my wife says.
If comic timing isn't part of the package but the federal witness-protection program is, a how-to book about reducing your anxiety, e-mail and carbon footprint by watching stupid cat videos.
(Cats, being slightly more amusing and rewarding than most human beings, and as ambivalently loyal, allow for more imaginative latitude than any other animal; Schulz, forgivably, cheated by making Snoopy more than human, a Puck figure, but even that dog was awed and terrorised by the "stupid cat" who lived next door).
What makes you think I'm going to pick up your stupid cat?" So, I go downstairs and open the windows as instructed.
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It was his stupid fucking cat, who he'd told me about earlier in the night (he'd created an Instagram account for it and wanted me to follow).
For now, though, the best description came from the aforementioned commenter, who wrote something along the lines of: "Boehner's trouble isn't even that he's trying to herd cats -- it's that he's trying to herd stupid insane cats".
Part Persian, with a fluffy neck and huge stupid eyes, the cat was a survivor of milder, homelier days at the jail.
Is too stupid to be cat guardian.
If you hate cats or simply think it's funny to watch them fall (it's cool, we're not judging), a trending subreddit has your daily dose of felines looking hilariously stupid when their cat slips are caught on camera.
Here's how one begins: "It was the stupidest thing the cat had ever heard of, an AA programme in prison – like you could find anything decent in here anyway.
Rainer Hersch, at the Assembly Rooms in Borge Again, celebrates Gould's 'stupid cat sounds' before playing the 'Blue Danube Waltz' upside down and establishing a link between Mozart and Abba.
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com