It's a stupid sodding thing to do.
Still, just for absolutely sodding ever to go.
The reason I was at Selfridges was to have a makeover at Charlotte Tilbury's pop-up makeup extravaganza, her House of Rock'n'Kohl, because I wanted to learn once and for sodding all how to put on eyeliner.
I'm bloody To the Manor Born, aren't I? My whole sodding life is To the Manor poxy Born!
It was just absurd to see the British Film Academy genuflecting to the sodding Windsors by getting Prince William to say a few incomprehensible words about the late Richard Attenborough.
And I tried and tried and tried to shift the sodding alien that appeared to be stuck in me, by imagining -- as we all probably did -- that we were having the most enormous, melon-shaped poo.
I guess there just weren't enough, I don't know, actors who have, you know, actually worked with Attenborough in this country to talk about him – no, instead they had to go to a sodding royal (and, almost equally inevitably, an American, in this case, Robert Downey Jr).
It's an assault rifle with a sodding chainsaw strapped to the front.
Even if you managed to get a ticket, even if the rain held off, you still had to drive to Somerset, join the queue to display your sodding passport, lug your tent and wellies and bikini and bog-roll into whichever small spot your mates had saved you.
"And stop saying that sodding catchphrase," she forgot to add.
