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On that basis, it was nice to see £32m Eliaquim Mangala put in a hilariously shit performance against Hull this weekend – not quite up there with Jon Walters versus Chelsea, or Jonathan Woodgate's Real Madrid debut, but certainly belonging in their company.
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This year saw Jennifer Lopez win best scared-as-shit performance for psycho thriller The Boy Next Door, Zac Efron scoop best shirtless performance for Bad Neighbours and best musical moment go to Jennifer Lawrence for her song in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1.
The annual teen awards show gave out such prestigious awards as best scared-as-shit performance, best shirtless performance and #WTF moment last weekend, but the broadcast also featured a host of new clips and trailers from upcoming blockbusters – cast your eye on them all below.
Peter Travers of Rolling Stone felt that despite the film's final act "sink[ing] into CGI shit", Jackman's performance "still has the juice" and Mangold's directing "shows style and snap".
"I've got special liquid food, lots of water, tea, a cup of coffee for breakfast, lots of chocolate and bananas, medication to stop me from going to shit during the performance.
I think they've had tough lives being gay, so me being there and talking shit about racialized performances during their escape time didn't go over so well.
He would sometimes introduce inexperienced stand-ups to audiences with the nerve-jangling line: "This next act's probably a bit shit" but, once their performance was finished, he would often comfort those he thought showed promise with backstage words of encouragement and urge them to try again.
I have no idea why you got into the funeral game, James, but if you've buried any of our readers' loved ones recently I'm sure they'll do the decent thing and get in touch to apologise for their limp shit-show of a performance.
That's what I meant when I said Happenings used lots of shit you'd see in performance art.
And I probably enjoy it as much for the shit script as for the nice performances.
"Love you, buddy!" As he replenished, he said, "There's just a lot of shit going on, like the first live performance of our new single, 'Maps,' tonight.
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com