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However, I probably wouldn't shit in front of my girlfriend, unless it's necessary for some reason.
"And even with mindless shit in front of me from a different country, a couple decades ago, it's hard to get rid of the knot in my stomach..
Sandy Hook killer Adam Lanza drank Coke, ate pizza, watched the evening news, sometimes rode in cars, saw violent movies, hung out with pals and probably did some dumb shit in front of girls.
The first night this all went down, I moved a bunch of shit in front of my door, certain that I would be raped in my sleep if left unprotected.
These are the interactions that send Twitter and the tabloids into a frenzy, because there are few things more shareable than a Hollywood superstar losing their shit in front of a camera.
"Calling Facebook a toilet is a little unfair to toilets because they make shit go away whereas Facebook retains shit, disseminates shit to your acquaintances and reminds you of shit from seven years ago all while allowing corporations to put their shit in front of you.
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And sure, the two of you might not jive, but that doesn't take away what happens the day you are born, when her body gets all messed up and she pushes and screams and shits in front of people so you can be alive.
Regardless of the pay, it's a hard job to do: "We have to get shit naked in front of guys we don't know".
There are, alas, too many cliches about cows, beggars, weddings and dirt, but it does allow Linda Bassett the great line to her mate who's had too many kebabs: "Don't you dare shit yourself in front of this lot".
So why are the majority of men I know more likely to shit themselves in front of me than cry in front of me?
Mornings can make or break your day, and that morning, someone took a big shit right in front of Kells' front door.
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