She declares she will henceforth be dedicating all her energy to fighting for the legalisation of marijuana in Alaska.
Unfortunately, the heating system produced reeking hydrogen sulfide, a failing she ended up having to advertise, announcing that she would henceforth use oil and spermaceti.
She lived henceforth in complete retirement, residing chiefly at Chiswick House, where she turned to piety for consolation.
The following year the Canadian daily the National Post released a similar spoof article in its satirical column Post Morten, saying that "Rowling or, as she shall henceforth be referred to and credited as, Mrs. J. K. Satan said that as she sat in a coffee shop one grey day, wondering what to do with her empty, aimless life, it hit her, 'I'll give myself, body and soul, to the Dark Master.
Nadia had been estranged from her family since she had completed university and announced, to their anger and fear and dismay, that she would henceforth live on her own.
If, for example, she is highly averse to breaking promises, she might be able to solve her problem by simply promising a concerned friend that she will henceforth deposit a certain percentage of her pay into a retirement fund.
Having been reclaimed from the pious tutelage of the nuns, she was henceforth groomed, like her latter-day avatar, Gigi, with all the resources at the family's collective disposal — which were as mighty as their lack of scruples — to be, as Tournehem put it, "un morceau de roi" (a morsel fit for a king).
Today's the day after all Executives at the Today programme were offered an interview with Home Secretary Jacqui Smith (or Jacqui Spliff as she will henceforth be known) on Thursday, but passed up the opportunity so they could grill their own chairman.
If "mum", as she will henceforth be known (as in, "And how is mum doing?" said directly to you or, more likely, to the person next to you while you shoot milk into your bra like an invisible superhero), is breastfeeding, her breasts will be rock hard with milk by day three.
