Celaena is all at once provoked by the prince, protected by the captain of the guard and befriended by a foreign princess… and someone starts picking off the contestants.
Chris Tarrant's face was reportedly a picture of polite bemusement as my voicemail message echoed pointlessly around the studio, before being smartly cut off and the contestant was permitted to phone another "friend".
The night started off with the contestant who doesn't even get a chance to sing for a judges' save, and it was one-time front-runner Ellona Santiago.
A pork roll queen is crowned, and during the ceremony, which consists of limericks and a toddler singing that song from Frozen, one of the contestants shows off her baby, donned in a pork roll box, like Rafiki presenting Simba to the animal kingdom.
Rod bent and line peeling off the reel, contestants will respond as best they can as a computerized scoring machine measures how well they fight the big game fish that is cavorting before them on a television screen.
So, off the contestants raced, down the aisles of a pet store in downtown Manhattan, grabbing leashes, doggie beds, pet food, bird seed, cat-scratch posts – and, yes, wee-wee pads, an item up to now I was unfamiliar with, but I guess it has something to do with potty training your pets.
Be gracious: When most of the contestants get voted off they do it with humility.
The show lived off the intensity of the contestants' feelings, and to help the women focus on how much they wanted to be with the Bachelor the producers took away their phones and other links to the outside world.
They regularly get their Mad Men fix all together, scurrying off to let the contestants sweat it over a rum baba cooking in the oven or a dough being proved.
