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Woven into the droning freestyles and countless claims to be simultaneously the ocean, god and, perhaps least believably, Ellen Degeneres, Sam and I discovered a swag-laden gospel that fell somewhere between a pozzy new-age self-help guide and the makings of a staggeringly powerful, deeply silly cult leader who might have impacted the final outcome of year's NBA championship.
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The supreme Greek god, Zeus, sent rains; Poseidon, brother of Zeus, was the god of the oceans and seas; Metis, daughter of the Ocean River god and first wife of Zeus, was goddess of intelligence and mother of Athena, goddess of the arts of civilization.
"I love the ocean because God made it and give it to the people," he said.
Like most other Hindu gods, Vishnu has his especial entourage: his wife is Lakshmi, or Shri, the lotus goddess granter of success, wealth, and liberation who came forth from the ocean when gods and demons churned it in order to recover from its depths the ambrosia or elixir of immortality, amrita.
He tried one more time, painting a picture of a "tall, proud city built on rocks stronger than oceans, windswept, God-blessed, and teeming with people of all kinds".
When Rev. John Robinson sent the Pilgrims, ancestors of today's progressive Reformed Christians, off across the ocean he said God had "more truth and light yet to break forth out of (God's) holy Word".
The ocean stands for God, the sole substance, and individual beings are like waves – which are modes of the sea.
No individual people, nothing blinks out from the Quantum Ocean, Head of God, no physical reality.
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