The sun radiates down on me and my dog Rosie, who is lying carefully so as to not to crush the tubing that connects me to an electronic concentrator, providing oxygen 24 hours a day, via a nasal canula, should I need it.
Can you bear sticking in eye drops and getting them to use nasal sprays?
NHS Choices says the nasal spray is safer and more effective than the injected vaccine and has only minor side-effects such as a runny nose, fever, muscle ache and headache.
I ask Tom Jefferson, the lead author of the Cochrane Review on Vaccines for Preventing Influenza in Healthy Children, which looked at findings from 75 studies, if I should give my four-and-a-half-year-old the nasal vaccine spray.
There are sores, scabs and nasal hairs, each magnified by a factor of 200.
As he walked past Völler en route to the dressing room, he casually turned his head and flobbed the mouthful of slimy gloop he had just harvested from his nasal turbinate straight into his rival's hair.
One was the story of a 22-year-old black man, who was beaten so badly when Chicago police found him smoking marijuana that he awoke from consciousness in Cook County jail with "22 stitches in my tongue, two facial fractures, bruised ribs, scrapes all over my body … an orbital fracture, a nasal fracture".
He sang along to a lo-fi synthesiser in a cheery nasal whine, was fond of using the word "bobbins", and tended to end every song with the phrase: "You know it is, it really is".
The study didn't mention riots or nasal sprays once.
If you've had a doctor's letter inviting your children to have a nasal-spray flu vaccine – are you going to say yes?
(His squashed boxer's nose is the result of a 2011 operation for sleep apnoea, not, as is often said, to cure his nasal voice).
