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I decided to spice up my butters with additional flavors; I added a pinch of cinnamon and maple syrup to the pecan butter and a teaspoon of honey to the almond.
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"They are my bread, my butter, my caviar and my Gulfstream jet.
Why would someone touch my butter?" I don't know, ma'am.
My butter and my eggs cost way too much to be wasting them on him".
But The Fast Diet says I can continue to butter my bread, cheese my butter, and raise my glass – at least for five days a week.
My beef was grass-fed, my butter and eggs organic, and honest-to-goodness nut-based bars were my snack of choice.
Far from Atlantic Avenue, over the Atlantic Ocean and the North Sea, I sat by the window and hacked my bread, schmeared my butter, forgave my cheese for the fire.
As Sybille Wilkinson of Gilchesters Organics Ltd says: "When I first began to cook, I'd question the quality and flavour of my butter and eggs, but not my flour".
And although I washed up after my butter-and-sugar messes, like forensic scientists he and Mum somehow discovered traces of my cooking, stuck around the bottom of the pan.
I also realise what's going on: I am clumsy and cowardly, so I grate my butter cautiously to avoid losing bits of finger in the process.
I have, at last, found a use for my butter wizard.
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com