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"My breeder makes them every Christmas or New Year's, or the day the incinerator got stuffed up — whatever day there is to celebrate," she says.
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To all my many breeder pals, I want to offer an assurance: I really do like your kids.
They are, as my favorite turkey breeder says, the Red Delicious apples of turkeys.
This year the abundance of horses well bred to get the mile-and-a-quarter distance under the Twin Spires has wrecked my proven "knowledgeable breeder" method of handicapping the Derby, which seldom worked but sounded authoritative.
Not to mention that nothing will ever come close to the moniker of the ill-fated horse who featured in the wiseguy HBO program itself, Ralph Seffarono's PIE O' MY. (Memo to breeders and first-time buyers: Guys at the track can sniff out newcomers the way a fishmonger snorts out yesterday's catch. Think big and name big: naming a horse BEER GOGGLES is brilliant, BADABING stupid).
Much of my information about the breeder reactor came from a book by Ken Silverstein called "The Radioactive Boy Scout".
"I am concerned about the PETA people sabotaging my operation," said one breeder in Texas, who insisted on anonymity, speaking of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
My stepmother contacted a breeder in upstate New York and not long after returned with a puppy which they promptly named Hannibal, after the famous Carthaginian warrior who had also made his name in the Swiss Alps.
"I've got to say it was very tempting to take him home and eat him –- he had pounds and pounds of delicious meat but he was clearly a good breeder, so my family and I decided that we had to put him back into the water so he could have more children," Galante said, according to the Mirror.
My dad calls me a breeder lol".
My mother, meanwhile, followed one of our few family traditions: Like my great-aunt who left my uncle for a lesbian who bred bulldogs, she divorced my father for a millionaire dog breeder from Iowa in 2001.
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