Covering more than 92,000 sq metres (1m sq ft), it is packed with supercomputers operated by codebreakers and data miners who work behind concrete and limestone walls that are up to 2.5 metres (8ft) thick.
Cameron has looked medically exhausted since about February, Clegg has become so utterly submerged in self-loathing that he now spends his days reading horrible tweets about himself out loud and Miliband has already lost the strength of mind to realise that carving vaguely worded platitudes into a limestone slab is the very stupidest thing that any human being has ever suggested.
The millstones which gave the rock its name have become the symbol of the Peak national park and the great hills, made of the stone itself, stand out from the limestone plateaux to provide some of the Peak's most memorable scenery.
It's magical and remote, mist drifting over the jutting limestone karsts, the lake banked by thick jungle.
No matter how hard the party leaders strain and push – no matter how many giant limestone tablets they sacrifice in the name of awful garden design – the best they can hope for is an invitation to the clandestine post-election government-forming meetings that will ultimately wreck their reputations and break the hearts of their supporters.
It speaks for those who have never left, as well as those who have abandoned, limestone country: "If it form the one landscape that we, the inconstant ones,/ Are constantly homesick for, this is chiefly/ Because it dissolves in water".
The view north from Monsal Head - the bluff below which the river bends - combines all the best features of the Derbyshire Peak: limestone farmhouses with fields separated by limestone walls, steep slopes which race up to a skyline and the mottled green of grass, gorse, heather and trees.
Departs 5 April, 17 May and 20 December Every year thousands of humpback whales head to a limestone reef 70 miles north of the Dominican Republic for the breeding season.
"Dear, I know nothing of/ Either, but when I try to imagine a faultless love/ Or the life to come, what I hear is the murmur/ Of underground streams, what I see is a limestone landscape".
The Guardian understands that the party has ensured the limestone hulk is kept under lock and key, to avoid any discovery which might cause further embarrassment.
It's a special place – a craggy landscape of dramatic limestone formations, and also a good spot to escape the beautiful but crowded towns of Málaga province for some peace.
