Anyone who responds soon finds their letterbox full of junk.
I comforted myself during those long hours with thoughts of all those repeats of the ad, accompanied by invitations to appear on Celebrity Squares and Richard and Judy, plus the occasional guest appearance opening a supermarket for a couple of grand a throw just to top up the massive repeat cheques dropping through my letterbox.
Then, bang on cue, a quote from Noel – something along the lines of "I'd rather slam my tallywhacker in a rusty letterbox than be in a band again with that whomping great knobber" – swarms the internet like a plague of locusts, deflating the rumour where it stands.
Unfortunately, they are doing it by shouting through the letterbox of their victim, who is now too afraid to leave their house.
It is not for me to tell the police how to do their job, but are they going to look the other way until someone drops a pile of these documents through their letterbox?
Doing so makes it easier to show existing video content that has been "up-scaled" for Ultra HD without having black "letterbox" bands above and below the picture.
But it wastes precious screen area when showing films and videos, leaving large black "letterbox" bars top and bottom.
THINK of the junk mail clogging your letterbox, or those annoying cold calls during supper, and direct marketing seems a modern curse.
Many routine acts of press cruelty shouting through a widow's letterbox, paparazzi making the children of a celebrity adulterer cry are legal.Jack Straw, a former Labour justice secretary, suggested this month that the knottiest aspect of press regulation involves not lies but private things that are true.
This makes it possible to show existing video content that has been "upscaled" for Ultra HD without the need for black "letterbox" bands above and below the picture.But who actually needs a super-sharp 4K television?
The bafflement was followed by a pang of guilt, since my choice to publicise my Jewishness, albeit discreetly, had incurred this vandalism, and perhaps something worse: smashed windows, nasty stuff in the letterbox, who could say what might be next?
