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But if your hubby wants go a little further and respond personally, I can't see the harm in it — especially if he's the one writing the notes.
If your hubby nixes this approach (or the heart-to-heart doesn't pan out), explain to the wife that you're sorry, but your husband doesn't enjoy spending time with hers.
If your hubby's coldness has arisen recently, then you should talk to him about it in person, it could be down to a number of personal reasons (e.g. depression or family life not working out) and if this is the case then you need to support him.
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If your husband's ex is frequently texting you with critical comments about how you care for the children, calmly tell her that you will be blocking her number and all communication will go through your husband from now on (after chatting to hubby first).
In fact, many wives are generally pissed off at their husbands, and if you're feeling like your hubby isn't pulling his weight, you're probably not going to make it to five positive reactions a day -- or maybe even a week.
If an ounce of her is doubtful that you and your hubby are going to make it, you'll feel that.
If the tough-guy approach isn't your speed, try, "I hope you don't feel uncomfortable calling us?" Or, just tell your hubby that his mother is acting like a freak show.
Don't try to make your hubby over, and don't let him change you.
Circle back to your hubby and say: "I think Casanova's admission was a (swaggering) cry for help.
You're ticked off; your hubby's hurt; his brother is clueless, and the rude kid sails on.
Radamisto: Take me to your hubby, / So I can kill him / For trying to get off / With my indoors.
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Since I tried Ludwig back in 2017, I have been constantly using it in both editing and translation. Ever since, I suggest it to my translators at ProSciEditing.

Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com