"I never thought I'd be stood in a shopping centre with my willy out but, y'know, it's just what you've gotta do, innit?" A teenage boy is talking to Katie Price on Signed By Katie Price (Mon, 9pm, Sky Living), quite possibly the year's most abominable TV filler.
"If you would have said five or six years ago that I'd be stood here with two kids I would have not believed you," he added.
"I never thought I'd be stood here as a professional women's cricketer, so that's something I'm incredibly excited about for the next few years - to hopefully keep playing and be involved in that professional era.
If I'd been stood in that cold midweek monument to the decline of England's premier domestic Cup, watching the one remaining narrative thread of our season being jizzed out like grey sperm into the drab hankie of the fifth round I wouldn't turn to my companion and say "well, that was a lovely day out".
"I wouldn't be stood here if it wasn't for Brian because I wasn't right at the time," reflected Windass, who returned to Hull in 1990 after he was spotted playing for non-league North Ferriby United.
Am I the man you thought I would be?" And I stood there for about 20 seconds and I could see her smiling".
They wanted to know if I would be doing stand-up anywhere that night, so I scheduled myself at Gotham Comedy Club, and they agreed to meet me.
He asked if I would be on stand-by and play a part against Norway".
"I never imagined I would be able to stand among people again," says Jaroben, her eyes filling with tears.
"As a 22-year combat veteran, I would be happy to stand beside Dennis Kucinich on this," said Representative Allen B. West of Florida, a Republican freshman.
