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" 'Her teats are dry,' Goat Man said.
"And then I put baby gel on her teats, to make them shine".
Our first call was to milk a rather patient cow, who made no complaint as we fumbled with her teats.
It's safe to say, however, that none of those clones had their characters discussing the pros and cons of fighting a giant bovine named Apocalypse Cow, who shoots flames from her teats.
Her only concession to the Treasury was to withdraw free school milk for seven- to 11-year-olds, a gift to political opponents (who skilfully conjured the image of a woman withholding her teats from babies) that earned her the soubriquet "milk-snatcher".
This is because they have to climb up the fur of the mother to reach her teats short after birth (Werneburg and Spiekman in press).
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Her "Teat Beat of Sex" is a semi-autobiographical, quasi-philosophical 15-chapter adventure about growing up erotic.
Aberdeen Angus cow standing looking at the camera as one of her six day old twin calves feeds from her teat, while the other male calf stands beside her.
They may be out there battling Apocalypse Cow, who is shooting flames from her giant teats, but other than that, everything about their lives looks pretty much like ours".
When the cup was pulled off, she volunteered her right teat.
As I poured wine from her plastic teat into a glass with a gentle tinkling sound reminiscent of a miniature horse pissing, my cask of Lonely Lady passed on her magic healing powers in times of need.
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com