Her comments hurt (back to the "it's all in your head" message,) but after grappling with her feedback, it became clearer to me that she's missing the ability to empathize with me and there's nothing I should do to try to change that.
"I think the difference is that Samantha could empathize with me and Sam's role required him not to".
So I'm constantly worried about losing the people who best empathize with me, and when I'm not worried about them, I'm expected to worry about strangers, or about the possibility of a recurrence.
So yesterday, when my boss -- a White woman in tech -- empathized with me, a Black woman, that was A.VERY.BIG.DEAL.
Please don't feel the need to try and empathize with me, because you will never understand what happened to me or why.
Rachna reached out after reading the story "because I don't know anybody who can empathize with me -- anybody else would just sympathize".
She was on great girly form, breaking the ice by empathizing with me about how shitty internships can be, and wrapping it up with a general pep talk about life and living in a new city.
In conversation with a friend the other night, and contemplating unleashing my red river on a new boy, she empathized with me on the expectation that period sex should be had, but qualified her contention.
In an e-mail from my friend Joan, she empathized with me, having lived the same drill of sleeping with a baby monitor listening for your parent's breathing and worrying about silent blood clots.
But right now it's not so much that I don't know what to do as much as I just need someone to empathize with me and tell me they understand why I am frustrated with my boss!" When you need acceptance instead of a sermon: "I can only imagine how horrible my feelings/actions must sound to others.
