I have on file cases of Britons recently imprisoned for crimes as relatively mild as abusive tweeting, poll-rigging, Boat Race obstructing, cathedral desecrating, job-application falsifying, expenses fiddling, urinatingon a war memorial, speeding-point switching, licence fee non-paying, and googling in court.
Sure, I abhor everything Ukip stand for: they're a millionaire-funded party advocating privatisation and tax cuts for a thriving wealthy elite, encouraging struggling Britons to direct their fire at immigrants rather than financiers, poverty-paying employers or tax avoiders.
Britons are expected to flock to parks and beaches and get out their barbecues to make the most of the period of sunshine, which starts on Wednesday.
And bolstered by successive polls that have shown the vast majority of Britons to be in favour of repatriation it has put aside the issue of ownership, instead proposing joint curatorship of the sculptures through the establishment of a branch of the British Museum in Athens.
"50 Golden Years," is the headline and certainly there are signs that some expatriate Britons in the United States at least are doing their best to celebrate the golden jubilee, however far from home they may be.
Oxfam urged the chancellor George Osborne to use Wednesday's budget to make a fresh assault on tax avoidance and introduce a living wage in a report highlighting how a handful of the super-rich, headed by the Duke of Westminster, have more money and financial assets than 12.6 million Britons put together.
They can ignore PMQs, derided by most Britons outside the political bubble, and allow backbench talent to flower.
Well, here's the thing about 2006: the economy was in better shape than today, but it still wasn't working for the majority of Britons.
A 2007 report from the Joseph Rowntree Foundation found child poverty rates for British Muslim communities was much higher than for white Britons.
Some British Muslims may choose to live in places with poor housing and education, but is there a shred of evidence they alone among Britons go out of their way to give their children a second-rate life?
But how to convince dirty Britons to wash their hands?
