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Andrew Strauss was resting up and England still won both Tests, batting big on flat tracks, with ease – by 181 runs and nine wickets.
And why is White Tip, the would-be heroine dinosaurette (who by cartoon law should be batting big eyelashes) so hideous, pitiless and hungry?
It was two other members of Warwickshire's title-winning attack of 2012 that got things moving first up, with Lancashire's hopes of batting once and batting big – their optimistic chat after the first day – derailed by a top order collapse in which four wickets fell in the space of 35 balls for four runs.
At the media day two days before the final performance, the lion tamer, Alexander Lacy, stood grinning like he just swung in on a chandelier, his wife next to him, batting big eyelashes caked with black mascara that looked like it was applied with charcoal briquettes.
Similar(56)
We want to bat big once".
Our goal now is to bat big and bat once".
Then we have one job which is to bat big".
We've still got a chance to bat big – we've got 16 wickets to play with in this Test.
If England limit them to something like that here, they could then bat big and hope it turns for Panesar.
"Our plan is to bat once and bat big.
If we can bat big and bat once we have a chance of winning this Test match," he said.
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com