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Anyway, I realized I had to stop fighting last year when I woke up extremely hungover and there was blood all over my knuckles, which definitely wasn't mine and hanging off my big ass ring was a piece of human flesh.
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Next week, we see Iowa, a barn, a virgin, Whitney, a huge ass diamond ring, insecurity, drama, ambivalence, a limo, a tuxedo, and a Bachelor who I would bet my life can't solve a Rubix cube.
When I told him I was writing about Maurice's Piggie Park, he reminisced, "You'd get a few cocktails in you, drive up, get that big-ass fried tempura onion ring, and yum, yum, yum".
He could blow out candles with his ass, shoot water through rings, and play the trumpet.
I've given up on screaming "this is a bike lane doofus!" or "move dumb-ass!" Yelling, bell ringing or whistling, it all seems useless.
In which case, sign my ass up for a silver ring now.
And if you had Ian McKellen it's hard to imagine getting him to say the line "You could put the ring in her ass and let her fart it out".
Before you start shaking your head and thinking, "I must be tired today," let me reassure you that yes, you've read that title correctly -- but let me also give you this disclaimer: You don't have to birth 19 kids, be a Christian, wear a purity ring, have long-ass hair, or agree with any of the politics of the Duggar family to apply their rules about dating and courtship to your own life.
Magic is wearing a Fred Perry top, Miss Sixty skirt, Damsel panties, DVS shoes, vintage glasses from American Apparel, and Tarina Tarantino ring; model's own ass.
Or we can chuck that wedding ring into the garbage disposal and express opinions, ask questions and be a general pain in the ass.
HURD: You snots with the pot-ring still on your ass… Am I sick to death of you… Is there anybody today but spoiled snots like you?
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Justyna Jupowicz-Kozak
CEO of Professional Science Editing for Scientists @ prosciediting.com